My Reasons to Believe Wasps are Aliens
“Idiot!”, I hear you cry. “Moron!”, I hear you scream. Hold it, hear me out.
My reasons to believe that wasps are aliens are thus:
- Wasps can smell sugar from a mile away. Sugar does not smell.
- You know those electric tennis racquet things for killing flies? A fly can take one smack and its lights-out for him. I (being destructive and having some electronics savvy) managed to make my racquet deliver almost 1100V. I hit a wasp with it, it twitched a bit and flew away. I smacked it to the floor, and held the racquet on it. It twitched, sparked and smoked. I thought “surely, it’s dead now”. But lo and behold, upon releasing it, it few away.
- I just saw a wasp get caught in a huge spiders’ web (huge spider, not web). As it struggled, the spider slowly crept up to it and began wrapping it up. This arachnid was twice the size of the wasp. The wasp proceeded to kill the spider with it’s sting, and fight it’s way free. I have never seen anything do that to a spider before. Ever.
- The other day, there was a wasp in my room, so I grabbed a prospectus and smacked it to the floor with it, taking no chances, I proceeded to put the prospectus on top of it, and jump on it. I removed the prospectus, the wasp shook itself down and proceeded to try to attack me, then I found my atomizer of CD cleaner (basically pure ethanol). I squirted it in the face and it went down, pissed off its tits and squirming. It shook on the floor for a long time, but then managed to get back up. That’s like me or you downing 50 litres of vodka and getting up. Not happening.
- Finally, you remember that summer a while back where there were wasps everywhere? Well, that was the year we caught that weird signal from space. Go figure. I reckon it was the wasp overlords wondering why it’s minions haven’t conquered earth yet. Hooray for RAID wasp spray, the only thing that can kill a wasp.